


Busted!

by Trystero



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1090199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trystero/pseuds/Trystero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone writes a story about F!Courier and Vulpes in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Unfortunately, Vulpes finds it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Busted!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Synthesis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/967550) by [Trystero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trystero/pseuds/Trystero). 



“I know what you’ve been up to.” Vulpes took a long sip of purified water. A masked waiter drifted silently past and Vulpes waited till he was out of earshot before he continued. “I found it. Did you want me to find it? Are you hoping that it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

The Courier looked at him blankly. “Found what?”

Vulpes slipped a thick sheaf of dot-matrix printout paper from his satchel and slid it across the table, so it knocked lightly against her glass, which sloshed and spilled a single droplet of watered-down whiskey onto the paper, wobbling there for a moment before sinking in.

The Courier’s face stayed blank. She looked at the top sheet without touching it, covered with words typed in a small font. Her name immediately jumped out. Then Vulpes’ name. Then Caesar, Lanius, Lucius... but these things didn’t happen?! This had never happened! Her and Vulpes, alone in some house, she his captive, he her abuser? Ludicrous.

“You think I wrote this?” she asked scornfully, and used her glass to push it back to his side of the table.

He answered only with a twitch of the eyebrows.

“Because..? What, you think I fantasize about you raping me? Are you that deluded?”

“It is no delusion. I have read the end.” He indicated the papers with a flick of his gaze.

The Courier’s usual policy was never to do precisely what Vulpes suggested. It usually didn’t end well. Though reading something could not do any harm, and she had to admit she was secretly intrigued. Vulpes was a worthy enemy, and he was paying her very close attention. Very close.

Still, she made no move, and it was Vulpes who took the papers, folded them over so the last page was on top, and put them back in front of her. She allowed her eyes to skim the page. It left her speechless.

When she looked up, Vulpes was smiling, his eyes shining with triumph.

“You love me, Courier? You wish to run away with me, marry me, bear my children? Then we will live happily ever after?”

The Courier’s teeth ground together, and a dark pink blush burned her ears. “I didn’t write this horseshit.”

“Oh, I think you did. You apparently believe that I keep a cruise missile in my trousers. Here is my favourite moment – Lanius asks you what you see in me, and you reply, “Have you seen him naked?”

Vulpes didn’t quite laugh aloud but his eyes glowed with mirth. “Oh, and the part about your idiot friend Boone becoming my best friend? Hilarious.”

The Courier started to say something, stopped, then tried again. “I don’t know where you got this fucking travesty, maybe Arcade wrote it just for a tease, or hell maybe you even wrote it yourself just to fuck with me, but I got nothing to do with it, I’m not interested in it and this meeting is over.”

“Very well. Let us continue our dinner, and I won’t mention it again,” Vulpes said lightly, retrieving it and tucking it back out of sight.

At that point, had the Courier followed her rule never to do anything Vulpes suggested, she might have gotten out onto the Strip in time to see the bales of reprints being distributed to every establishment in greater New Vegas.

But she was tired, so instead she ordered a fresh drink.

A few days later, Arcade moved back into his old tent at the Followers’, sporting a very nasty black eye.

**Author's Note:**

> Variation on a theme that bounced around falloutkinkmeme for a while, see CookieFairy's _Mojave Instant Messenger_ for a better example :)  
>  http://archiveofourown.org/works/701207/chapters/1292418


End file.
